There’s always gonna be some other guy who’s hotter, sexier, who has that spark. But that’s nothing compared to having a real partner, a teammate, for anything that life’s throws at you. All that matters is, If you think you can wake up everyday for the rest of your life next to him and be happy, then you should do it. – Billie to Sasha

Disclaimer here. I’m not a relationship guru here, not that I have a perfect relationship with my husband. We did have some ups and downs, as well, in our almost 9 years together as a married couple. I think we also had the 7 year itch too. But there are a lot of things on my mind while I was watching the latest Netflix top lister series – Sex/Life. And no.. it’s not about the Bees, the CAT (I bet you Googled it!), Brad’s smile while strumming his guitar, Cooper.. Brad... But it actually made me reflect with on a couple of things. Wow?

Sex/Life is about Billie Mann Conelly (Sarah Shahi), a suburban wife and mother, who takes a fantasy-charged trip down memory lane with her daring sexual past, that sets her present, her husband, Cooper Conelly (Mike Vogel) on a collision course with her wild-child past, when the bad-boy ex, Brad Simon (Adam Demos) she can’t stop fantasizing about crashes back into her life.

I bet a lot of reviews have already talked about how we should be honest with our partner, or have an open communication with your partner, or being sensitive on what the other feel would be nice, as well. Yada yada… We all know how these can always be easier said than done, especially if there’s only one who would be willing to take the move. Not going into this talk anymore, just because.

But I realized that I feel for Billie. I understood how and why she suddenly felt lost. She left her entire life, dreams and aspirations when she married Cooper, moved to the suburbs and grew a family. It is not that like she didn’t like and want it. I’m sure she did. Maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t just that ready, even if she thought she was, when she entered a new chapter of her life. Yes, she didn’t have a closure with a couple of things. I guess.

Just like Billie, I’m used to a life so young, so carefree, so living my life to the fullest. I used to wonder on the most superficial things. I used to wander wherever my itchy feet would take me. The Wandering I. And then he came. My heart began to beat outside my body. I can no longer the person I was before. I always have my double now. It is not all about me anymore. What used to be movie date with my girls, became play dates with other mom friends who wants to have a time out. Liquor turned milk time. All my days are filled with Coco, and Coco alone.
I feel like I am Billie – craving and yearning for the ME that I was when I was younger. But unlike Billie, the past that I kept on looking back to isn’t something that that can hurt what I have now for a family. It is more on missing the things I loved doing before that I can’t just do now it if I want to. Unlike Billie, I didn’t write about it in words, I kept mum about it. It is the first time I am going to be open about it, actually. I guess, it is with how this pandemic hit me as well. I missed going places and this pandemic stopped not just me, but everybody. Maybe my ego just felt bruised because there has been opportunities already, and because of uncontrolled circumstances, it didn’t pushed through.
But you know, by the end of the series, you’ll realize how even if you have a family now, you can still do the things that you want to do. There is no one that can stop us, if you feel that the timing is right, grab it! We don’t really lost who we were. It just so happen that we find a redefined self. One that isn’t exactly the one whom we used to be, which is okay, but someone who has grown up with a heart as big to love another person as we much as we love ourselves. Just do it. As long as you are not hurting anyone, especially your family. If it will make you grow as a person, if it will make you happy, if it will make you breathe… just go!
I’m a mom now, 8 years already to be exact. But I’m still a woman. And yes, I can wander wherever my heart desires.

Will it ever be enough?

What will happen when Season 2 comes?! Let’s see!

PS. Always think before you act