August is Breastfeeding month. But this is the first August that I am no longer breastfeeding Coco. Actually, today marks exactly half a year since the last time I breastfeed Coco.
I exclusively breastfed Coco for 2 years. Mix fed him for another 11 months. Currently formula fed for the last 6 months (No i’m not a bad mom!). I know I am all for breastfeeding your babies, that breast is best for babies until 2 years and beyond. But I guess, it is better this way now.
Weaning Coco from breastfeeding wasn’t exactly planned. Well, I thought of weaning him when he turned 2 but unfortunately, we didn’t succeed. So, I decided to wean him when he turns 3. But a month before he turned 3, he finally let go of his “dede mommy”.
Few months before he finally weaned, during the whole day, he would rarely breastfeed from me unlike when he was younger. He would usually do when he naps but I’ve been trying then not to breastfeed him for naps. It was only during bedtime that I let him breastfeed. So what happened? He noticed I was putting something on my face. He thought there was also medicine on my breasts. “Medicine sa face mommy? No dede mommy?” I said “Yes”. I was just trying if it would work, it just happened out of the blue. He really didn’t asked for it. He just replaced it with “yakap mommy”.
I don’t know what I really felt that night. Mixed emotions. It was freedom from my clingy baby who wouldn’t let go of my breasts until he is already in deep sleep, but at the same time, I have this longing and somewhat makes me feel sad. That night, same as all other nights, he was hugging me very tight as he sleep, without comfort feeding.
The next few nights that followed, was either surpassed successfully without crying or he would really cry hard and ask for his “dede mommy”. But he already started it, I had to be firm. I had to say “no!”. If I give in, I’d have to start all over again. It’s like, “Take it or leave it Coco. No more “dede mommy”, just yakap mommy” There were times he’d cry himself to sleep because he isn’t satisfied with just “yakap mommy” and during those moments, my heart gets broken every time.
6 months after, Coco wouldn’t look for “dede mommy” anymore. He has clearly moved on, well aside from times he wants to touch it, just being territorial. I, on the other hand, well.. I’m good. I’m free. No more discomforts, no more waking up in the middle of the night, only to find my son breastfeeding or him crying and needing to breastfeed. No more breastfeeding bras. No more let downs and no more having to breastfeed a toddler half my size in the fast food or in the mall.
But part of me, my heart wouldcry at times. Just simply missing those moments. Wishing Coco is still an infant, needing me, only me. To be able to nourish my son with the best milk ever, that feeling is so powerful and even until now, I’m still surprised with my body’s capacity to do this. I couldn’t help but miss the mornings and night times, or basically the whole day we share together.
Now I have a 3-year old boy, handsome, talented, smart-ass, talkative, sweetest and has almost never been sick. His chubbiness may have been gone for more than a year already. But he is healthy and growing and learning and enjoying his everyday adventures. And I am contented with that and it actually gives me an awesome sense of pride.
Breastfeeding Coco will always be my favorite part of motherhood. Despite of the times, I had cracked nips, or my back ached or couldn’t find the best position. Despite him not taking in a bottle of my expressed milk and decided to have a hunger strike at 3 months old, and wouldn’t drink in any other bottle. Despite the fact that all my expressed milk, 1000oz almost wasted, and just ended up donating them. Despite the discomforts and midnight feeding especially when Coco was still an infant. All’s well, just pure love.
It is a bond that is really special, just for us two, that no one can ever break. For everything, I wouldn’t have it in any other way. My breastfeeding journey may have now ended, but i will always be that proud mom that would shout to the world, that “Yes, I am a breastfeeding mom!” Anytime, Anywhere. Always.
One more thought, I believe my journey has ended with such fulfillment, because I have inspired friends to breastfeed their babies as well, to those friends of mine (Niece Sakki, Jiselle, Nica, Mitch, Camille to name a few), I’m so proud of you for doing this, not because of me, but because of your baby. Cheers!
This is my Weaning story, how did yours go? Was it hard for you to let it go? Share your thoughts in my comment box if you please!
PS. I also want to thank breastfeeding for making me lose weight in the span of 3 months. I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. 3 years later, I’m again 16lbs heavier. Just a tip, don’t abuse yourself and neglect yourself with eating all the food that you like because you have breastfeeding on your side to help you lose those unwanted pounds. If you don’t take care of yourself, ah, tsktsk! Believe me!
PS. To all first time mommas, please please do not think twice. Breast feed your child, as long as you will, as much as possible, don’t give formula, at least on their first 6 months. Don’t deny your baby with the most precious gift you can give to him/her. If you have questions about my Breastfeeding journey or you need some help, just leave a comment, I may not be an expert but I’ll do my best to help you! Ciao!