"Always on my mind, 86,400 times a day" – Papa

I just came home from my bestfriend’s sister’s debut. Their dad, Tito Jimmy introduced Kirstie with a very heartfelt speech that also made me cry. (Especially that both the debutante and my bestfriend were in tears too) During the 18 roses, as Tito claimed his bunso from all the guys who danced with her, Kirstie embraced his father so tight, while dancing. Another tear jerker for me.

Yesterday, I was packing the Dream Pillows for Kirstie’s debut. i was rushing already since Budi will pick them up na. I run out of plastic bags & boxes na so I searched for my old paper bag collection. It’s still kulang so I got the biggest one that contains the smaller ones. Binuhos ko sa floor yung iba and saw pictures na kumalat din. I gathered them and browsed through them. The pictures were of me and my papa, my papa and mama, all three of us, some of our US trip pics plus a bunch of cards and letters. I didn’t read them yet coz I’m rushing with my work, so I kept them first under my clothes.

Ironic isn’t it? What I found yesterday and what I felt awhile ago during the debut..

When I got home kanina, I remembered them. So, I got them and read them. And I couldn’t help but cry– oh wait, hagulgol pala. These are some of the words that my Papa wrote to me and my mama before. He like wrote to us almost twice or thrice a week since we went back to Pinas in 1991. Can you imagine that? Ang dami nun.

“When you said again that now you only have our dear Margaux in our last telephone conversation, permit me to correct you. For both still have me aside from your loved ones. My mind, my heart and my soul and every bit of cell of my body. Nothing’s gonna change my love for you and Margaux. Loving you & Dedo always, Papa”

“I promise you Margaux will never grow up without me around like yours when Papang must have been away. You and Margaux will always have Papa in words, action and heart, seen physically present 86,400 seconds a day. If there is any place in this world I rather be, it is with you and Margaux only”

At the back of another card, “I love you and margaux 86,400 times a day”

Now, I know where I got my poetic skills! LOL Seriously, most of you know how those words weren’t justified. Well, only for months, years… He won’t forget my birthday (or Christmas), he’d either call me or send a card (yes, even when he already have a fam of his own there), He sent me my Harry Potter book. He’d always reply to my email when I make kwento and stuff. I wish I could still retrieve those messages, something got wrong with my old email and I can’t open it anymore =( He stopped communicating with me in 2005, and I don’t know why. He didn’t even see me when I went to Lakewood in 2006. I was able to see my lola and aunt, but not him.. I haven’t seen him for the last 18 years, for God’s sake!

Iba pa rin talaga siguro ang life ko if I have my papa by my side, or if not, he’s still communicating with me. I’d be this spoiled little girl of my papa and mama who just wants the best for moi. I’d be mama’s girl and papa’s girl at the same time, their princess. I wish I was able to hug him, like Kirstie did awhile ago, during my debut 5 years ago. I wish he’d be able to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day (eek As If.) I wish he still reads my emails to him, even if he doesn’t reply. I wish I’m still on his mind 86,400 times a day. I wish he’d sent me a “Happy birthday” email on my birthday which is 20 days from now. Maybe that’s all I’ll ever need to make my birthday the happiest of them all (well, aside from someone else’s greeting hehehehe)

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