Motherhood is never easy.
No one told me it would be this hard.
They just told me, “Are you ready to change your life forever?”
But just looking at my first born, Marcus, I know every bit of that forever will be worth it.

I can still remember the first time I laid eyes on my bouncing baby boy. He was huge, has big cheeks, reddish and has chinky eyes. I am already a bit groggy from all the drugs they injected into my body as well as it was already passed midnight so I was already sleepy. He was placed on my chest to do the Unang Yakap, as he latched on one of my breasts. I tried so hard to stop myself from crying, but of course, there were tears in my eyes. A little while later, they got him from me so that he’ll be cleaned and injected with some vaccines, weighed and measured. I, on the other hand, was getting stitched.

When we were in the hospital, “life” was easy since I’m still recovering from my operation, I was just in bed. My husband was the one rocking our son to sleep. My mom also takes care of him. There were also times that we seek help from the nurse that was assigned to us.

But when we went home, it was totally different. Especially, when they all went back to work (since I gave birth during holy week, they were on vacation). I’m all alone doing everythinng.

During our first week, I was on the verge of tears everytime I was breastfeeding him. Though he knows to latch perfectly, he keeps on crying that’s why he couldn’t latch that it would take a while for him before he could finally be fed or when he suck, it would hurt so bad. Yes, to a point that I already gain wounds because of him. It was such a relief when I was finally able to buy Mustela Nipple Cream when malls opened after Holy Week. My back hurts real bad as well, especially when Coco has latched. There was even an itsy bitsy moment when I don’t want to even breastfeed my baby because I don’t want to feel the pain again. But I have endured all the ill feelings I have for breastfeeding when I first started with it. All the pain that came with it will be worth it for I know my son got the best nutrition that I could give him.

Bathing him is another story. I’m too scared of bathing him at first. He was so fragile. I’m afraid I’d break his bones or he’d fall. We tried on different ways to bathe him. Thank God, I found the perfect way to do it. The thing is. He keeps on pooping on his bath foam. Gosh. When he was smaller with less movements, it was easy to change his dirty diapers. But now that he moves his limbs everywhere, such a headache.

And then he wouldn’t burp. I’m worried that he might suffocate or something, especially at sleeping time. I really stay awake just to watch him and make sure that he is okay.

At least, lulling him to sleep is a piece of cake. He doesn’t cry much, not unless he is already hungry.

I always hear my mom say “ni hindi kita dinapuan ng lamok”. Of course, I also don’t want any freaking insect hurting my baby. But there will always be instances that I couldn’t control. Coco wasn’t even a week old, he got an insect bite near his butt hole. He got another one, in the butt again, when he was 3 weeks. Imagine it’s itchiness that he couldn’t even voice out nor he couldn’t scratch!

Hard, Yes! But Surviving! I try my best to care for my little Coco. If I failed at first with the bathing, with the insect bite, etc, I’m making sure that it won’t happen again.

I love the fact that I could witness Coco’s growth every single day. I hear his cries and the weird noises he makes. I watch him as he sleep and when he is awake. It always melt me when I see him smile, what more, when he does his big smile, bigger smile, a smile with a coo! Ooooh, HEAVEN! Snuggles and cuddles, too! It’s always a relief when he finally sleeps when he is fussy and couldn’t sleep and when he burps. When he sleeps soundly especially after a bath and then he wakes up in a good mood.

And then mommy goes online window shopping… or even goes online shopping! Yes! All for Coco! Nothing for herself! And even got a new hobby – sniffing and smelling Coco’s neck, sometimes, his hands, his feet, head, all of him, but my favorite part is his neck. YUM!

So, I now totally say good bye to freedom. I now couldn’t go out whenever I want. Mainly because I want to always be at my baby’s side.

Life really changed. It will never be the same again. Forever. My world is now full of dirty diapers, nursery rhymes, baby’s breath and dripping breast milk… But I welcome it with open arms.

It’s most certainly the hardest job I’ve ever had or will ever have. I’m not the perfect mom, but I’m 100% sure that I’ll be the best mom for Coco, that you’d want me as yours! It really thrills me that I am a MOM now, and that starting now, someone will call me a mom, and it will be that way, forever.