"Always on my mind, 86,400 times a day" – Papa

A very random moment, midnight of January 26. Opened my Gmail account, wrote a random message to my Papa, plain kwento about how I’m doing now, where I’ve been in the past few weeks of 2010, about school, that I’m graduating already and turning 24 in 6 months. I told him about my niece Sakki and Mieke (his apos!), I sent pictures from Sakki’s debut also.

That’s what I do whenever I’m not feeling good. I email him. Even if I don’t get a reply. As most of my very best friends know, my biological dad is in the US whom I haven’t seen for the last 19 years. We had communication but he stopped for unknown reasons since October 2005. My bestfriends know how much I miss having him in my life, even for a long distance one. Since 2005, I always send him random e-mails and pictures of me, even if I don’t even know if he receives or reads them. I’m quite certain that he still uses that e-mail account because one time, I received an auto-reply.

While PBBTE was still running way back 2007, my heart was crying so hard with Linda Backlund’s story with her dad because it’s quite similar to mine. The different was they’re finally back in each other’s arms because of PBBTE. (reread my blog abt this; includes back story of what happened with my papa). I really cried so hard with Linda’s “I’ll always be your little girl” because I will and will always be my papa’s too.

Back in December 2008, randomly, my cousin Ate Aiya posted in my wall a picture of her with my papa. After so many years, I finally saw a recent picture of him. It was the best Christmas gift I ever received in 2008. (reread my blog abt this) I had this one wish that time, to receive an email from him. Shempre, wala.

During my bestfriend’s sister, Kirstie’s Debut, I cried with the debutante and my bestfriend when their dad, tito Jim introduced the debutante with a very heartfelt speech. I also cried when tito Jim claimed her bunso from all the guys who danced with her in the 18 roses, coz he hugged her so tight. (reread my blog abt this)The day before this I found old pictures and cards from my papa to me and mama dated 1991. When I got home from the debut, I got them and started reading it and yes, CRYING. Sobrang daming quotable quotes ni Papa.. One of them is the title itself. That was the time I knew whom I follow after my “poetic & writing” skills. haha! That moment, I wished that I’m still on his mind and that he still loves me 86400 times a day. I also wished that he’d send me a happy birthday greeting since I’m turning 23 in a few days time. Shempre, wala.

Christmas 2009, ate Aiya uploaded another picture of my papa in facebook. Shempre, I was so happy again, seeing him after a year has gone. Even if he’s already aged a bit.

Back to the bottomline, after I finish reading tweets that I missed, which was an hour after I sent the email. I went back to my Gmail and voila! A REPLY FROM MY PAPA. YES! After 5 years! Shempre, I CRIED. I cried so hard. hagulgol kung hagulgol. I’ve been wishing and wanting and needing my papa in my life since he was gone. And finally he replied.

My Dearest Margaux… As I was reading your e-mail, I can not help the flow of tears coming from my eyes. Tears of regrets in one hand and joy on the other. Tears of Regrets, because I was not there for you all the time and up to now for so many reasons I will someday will tell you and hopefully in not so distant future. Tears of Joy, because you are what you are now and that you never stop communicating in spite of a no response from me. Believe me, while I may have reasons why I kept my silence, I have tons of love and care I always wish I can let you feel it. Eto na yung wish mo at dadalasan ko pa ang communication with you. Best regards and I love you.

It was actually a short one. But I don’t care, as long as he did reply to me. Wishes do come true! Really. Thank You Lord for making this happen.

Papa, I love you 86,400 times a day!

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