I really, really wanted to celebrate my 40th birthday. It is a milestone birthday, of course. I wanted to do a photoshoot which I’ve had in mind for the last few years already. I wanted to gather all the people close to my heart again, just like I always used to when I was younger. I wanted to travel somewhere with my little family. All those things—I really wanted to do them.
Budget-wise, all of this simply isn’t doable all at once. I had to choose. Honestly, for the last few weeks, my mind has been bouncing back and forth on what I actually wanted. I’d try to plan a thing or two, and then the birthday blues—or maybe a midlife crisis? I’m not even sure.
At one point, I honestly just wanted to gather my immediate family, plus my husband’s side of the family, and maybe, just maybe, if my best friend Gretch could drive up to Manila. I got emotional. I used to be able to gather all my friend groups together effortlessly. Now, things have changed a lot. There are people you naturally outgrow and no longer want to have anything to do with, and then there are those who are out of the country and those that are hard to reach. I found myself realizing once again that all my best friends aren’t physically here in Manila anymore. I’m navigating life and I thrive with the friends I make in the industry I am in these days.
And then, I didn’t want to celebrate at all.
Add to the fact that I signed up Marcus for a football cup right on my actual birthday, because he wanted to.
But God has His ways of making you feel alive and deeply deserving.
My sister mentioned she was planning a post-birthday gathering with her friends. Little did I know, it was a setup—a surprise party for me.
She brought together, our immediate family, Gretch’s family, representing the out-of-Manila/country girls (and basically standing in for all my high school besties and Cat who were in on it) and my EatGhorlz, whom I accidentally “founded” back in 2023 during a brand contest, and who have been doing life with me ever since. They, I think, would be the representation of the people I thrive with in my everyday life now.
my family, people i loved the most
my bestfriend, Gretchen and her family, drove from Dagupan to Manila.
The EatGhorlz, my constants for the last 3 years and counting
the loves of my life, the essence of my being
How did my sister even think of bringing all of them together?! Hahaha! Part of me wished there were others there whom I miss terribly, though I’m not even sure if my sister was able to reach them. But looking around, buti na lang—at least none of the toxic energy or people I’ve chosen to leave in the past were anywhere near it. Lol.
On the actual day of my birthday, we drove down to Laguna for Coco’s football tournament. It wasn’t a traditional birthday celebration per se, but we were packed with lots of food and drinks, and it felt like a mini celebration anyway (even if it is really not meant for me!) Just seeing the love of my life play his heart out on the field is pure happiness to me.
Nothing quite compares to coming home to the place where I grew up. Realizing how many years I’ve been away—actually living away longer than the years I spent growing up there—had me completely in tears. We had gone back home to help declutter, which led to a quiet, powerful moment: it has been many, many years since my siblings and I last ate together in our childhood kitchen. Without even planning it, we automatically sat in our old spots, occupying the exact same spaces as if we never left. This will always be our home.
I officially wrapped up my birthday month with a warm celebration with my in-laws, and a my absolute favorite cutest cake from my cousin.
