Ah, the sweet sounds of home: birds chirping, wind rustling through the trees, and… “MOOOOM, he took my toy!” Sound familiar? If you’ve got more than one kiddo at home, chances are you’re no stranger to sibling squabbles. From fighting over toys to heated debates about whose turn it is to use the bathroom, bickering between siblings seems to be a rite of passage. But don’t worry because there are lots of pretty effective ways of dealing with these kinds of quarrels, as you will see below…UNDERSTAND THE WHY
First things first, it’s crucial to understand that some amount of sibling rivalry is natural. They’re learning to navigate relationships, understand boundaries, and assert their  independence. Sometimes, this process is loud. Recognizing that these disagreements are a normal part of growing up can help you address them without overreacting.

EQUAL BUT DIFFERENT
As a parent, you need to remember that no two children are the same, and that how one of your children behaves and thinks about the world could be drastically different from the others. This is important because it will help you navigate sibling squabbles more effectively if you are able to praise their individual strengths and encourage their unique talents. When they see that they’re valued for their own abilities and not pitted against their sibling, they’ll feel less need to compete with them. It, of course, will also help you to make peace between them when you can explain that they just have different ideas about things and neither is wrong, but a compromise may be needed.

SHARE, BUT ALSO DON’T
It’s great to teach kids to share. But there should also be some things they don’t have to let their sibling take away when they don’t feel like it. Everyone needs a bit of their own space and things that belong only to them, I mean you wouldn’t like it if your neighbors could just walk into your home and walk back out with your TV, would you? So why should your child have to be okay with their sibling taking their stuff?  Allow your kids to have a few items that are off-limits to their siblings. This teaches respect for personal boundaries which will help them to more safely navigate every area of life, not just the sibling relationship.

TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK
If you want those sibling squabbles to be few and far between, get those kiddos collaborating on projects. Maybe they can paint a mural together or build a fortress out of cardboard boxes. When they work as a team, they learn to appreciate each other’s strengths and can bond over their shared accomplishments.

GIVE THEM THE TOOLS
Kids don’t naturally know how to avoid conflict or how to deal with squabbles, so you need to give them the tools to do that. Enter the conflict resolution worksheet! These neat little sheets can help kids articulate their feelings, understand the other’s perspective, and come to a mutual solution. Worksheets can make the intangible aspects of conflict resolution more tangible. It’s like a roadmap through their disagreements that will help them to understand one another better, and give them the basic tools they need to navigate disagreements without a fight.

AVOID THE BLAME GAME
When you rush into referee mode, it can be easy to point fingers. Instead of placing blame immediately, it is always a good idea, as a parent, to take a step back and try your best to get both sides of the story so you can really understand what the issue is from each of your children’s perspectives.  This not only models good conflict resolution behavior for your children but also helps avoid unnecessary resentment that can build up when one child thinks the other is being favored. If this happens regularly, then it can make sibling squabbles even worse, so it is so very important that you always try to adjudicate arguments fairly.

FOSTER INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS
Make sure to spend one-on-one time with each child whenever you can. They may be siblings and they might both be your children, but they really do need individual attention from their parents, and it’s also a great time to talk about any issues they might be having with their siblings. This can help them feel heard and understood so that future squabbles are more likely to be minimized going forward.

SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS
Just as you have house rules about bedtime or screen time, set clear expectations about behavior towards each other, so that your children know what you expect from them and what is and is not acceptable behavior. Whether it’s “no hitting” or “ask before borrowing,” having guidelines in place can prevent many conflicts. Sure, it won’t prevent every little argument, but you will be surprised at how effective it can be at lowering the number of squabbles you have to get in between.

ENCOURAGE EMPATHY
It’s never a bad idea to encourage your children to see things from their sibling’s perspective when they are having a disagreement. This doesn’t mean they always have to agree, but understanding where someone else is coming from can diffuse many arguments before they have truly gotten started, and, of course, having empathy for others is an important life skill for everyone to learn and develop.

HAVE A FAMILY MEETING
This might sound overly formal, but family meetings can be both fun and beneficial. It’s a platform where everyone gets to voice their feelings and concerns about just about any issue that is worrying them within the family. Plus, when everyone has a say in family decisions, they’re more likely to respect and uphold them than they are to argue over them because children can see fairness.

OFFER CHOICES
Instead of dictating how things should be done, offer choices to your children. “Who wants to pick the movie tonight?” or “Which one of you wants to help with dinner?” When kids feel like they have a say, they’re less likely to feel like they’re competing for control, and it helps them to feel like they have some agency in their lives which is really important for kids too.

MONITOR SCREEN TIME
You’d be surprised how many squabbles arise from who controls the remote or whose turn it is on the tablet. Set clear screen time schedules and stick to them to reduce these tech-induced tiffs, and you will very much not regret doing so. Of course, if you can get them out and about and off the screens altogether, then that will be even better!

ENCOURAGE APOLOGIES (AND MEAN IT)
Sorry seems to be the hardest word, right? Teach your kids the importance of genuine apologies. It’s not just about saying the word but understanding its significance. When they do wrong, they should own up, apologize, and work on making things right. This will make for much better sibling relations and a much more pleasant family life altogether.

Siblings are always going to squabble to some extent. It is a known part of child development and can be quite useful for them to work out their place in the world and how they relate to other people, but when things get out of hand or you need to shut down a particular squabble fast, the above ideas can and will work well for the most part, so make them a new part of your mom arsenal and you will not regret it!