After my grueling finals in consumer behavior awhile ago, Gretz and I went to Eastwood with Andre and Richard. Need some unwinding to do.. kaya ayan, we watched The Simpsons. We went to DQ first because we have to wait for another hour for the movie, when it rained so hard (still cloud seeding i guess!). We sat outside, but went inside kasi nababasa na kami. A little later, I looked for our tickets. AT NAWAWALA siya!!! whattaaf! I looked for it for a lot of times pero wala siya talaga. When we were about to lose hope, we asked the waitress if she saw our tickets and luckilly she did, natapon niya daw! hahaha! Todo, i went outside and got it from the glass na nasa trashcan. Grabe! Sabi ko nga, mas sumakit ulo ko sa paghahanap ng tickets kaysa sa finals ko, it should be worth it.

And yes, it did. “It was the BEST EMOSHiiiT in MY LIFE… errr… BEST EMOSHiiiT SO FAR” Kamusta naman it was so emo ano. haha. Labo naman. Simpsons was supposedly full of laughter pero bakit me and gretz should feel emo!!!!! Yay.. before ko makalimutan, when Gretz and I were entering the moviehouse, sabi nun ticketeer, “Ilan taon ka na?” Tapos kami ni Gretz tumawa na lang ng tumawa. sabi ko, “21 na ako kuya, ano ba ito? PG-13” Then sabi niya, oo daw. AMp. Kamusta naman yun! Do i look that young, sobra naman yung 12 years old ako. Okay lang kung 17 eh, pero todo naman, to the nth level na 12 lang ako!!!!

So what sup with me? What have I been doing for the past week that I haven’t been blogging? What even happened during my birthday? Bakit hindi ako nagbablog about that? That’s not so me ah. Pero wala lang, I just feel so different nowadays. I just feel that I am not me or am I changing? Part ba ito ng dahil sa pag-ache ng aking heart? Pagkagulo ng aking utak? and not so liking what’s happening the past days? Well, yes. a little, but I’ve been really really busy talaga. That’s why i need to unwind, really!

So what happened ba nun birthday ko? well, the day before my 21st, I had dinner with my bestest friends in Gerry’s Grill in Libis (kahit wala si jp, gene and mike!!!!! =() Then, pal (marlon) was here in manila. First time na nandito siya for my birthday and he gave me my new teddy named Kurant! Louie, Andre, Kevin, Maki and Barry were there too. We waited for midnight na hindi ko na naramdaman because of being drunk. Yes. i was drunk when i turned 21. hahaha. Naman kasi, the cuervo i drunk. no one was able to stop me, i had to drink, i really had to. eh, dapat okay lang ako, tolerable ako sa hard eh, pero nag beer kaya ako before that. wala. i was too drunk to even remember what happened mula sa time na tinamaan na ako. Pero look at all my pictures? Naka smile kaya ako sa lahat. hahaha. i wasn’t really that sabog pala. hahahaha. ang kulit eh ano. Before midnight struck, when gerry’s was almost closing, when some of the waiters and waitresses are about to leave, when mejo wala na rin ako sa ulirat, lumabas sila with my birthday cupcakes and balloons from gretz, na smiley!!!! Smiley. you know, I used to be happy when i see this smiley. ayun, tapos they all sang happy birthday. I remember naiiyak na ko nun eh. pero i was too drunk to even cry. hahaha. gustohin ko man umiyak for another reason, hindi ko na nagawa. After an hour or so, we went home, i went home drunk on my 21st birthday. hahaha.

My birthday wasn’t what i was expecting. I had this very bad hangover na umiiyak na ko sa sama ng pakiramdam ko. But i went to school pa rin but didn’t attend class. Nakatulog lang ako dun sa caf when I was with jp and andre. Tapos, i waited for my sundo, coz we’re having dinner. When they arrived, we went to eastwood and ate at heaven n eggs and i dont even have an appetite to eat.

This was when I also started to become emo. not so me again. when did i ever became emo noh? well, ngayon? i was so down. so sad. my heart was aching. i feel bad. i dont know if i am mad. im definitely confused.

That’s why all the way to cebu- from waiting for 2 am for me to take a bath, during the ride to the airport with gretz, to the airplane, in the car to jake’s house, when we were sleeping upon arriving jake’s house, until breakfast, until i got sick. i got sick because of thinking. o diba? nakakaloka. i was okay naman kasi physically eh, i wasn’t emotionally. Then, the next day, even if i was ‘sick’, i had to move eh, this is it na eh, Idol’s premiere in cebu. Hindi ko na feel yung sakit ko while working. seeing all the people there, even though ang daming sablay. Nafeel ko lang yung sakit, when we went home, and i lied sa bed, dun ko naramdaman. then we went to vudu. party place pero emo ako. weird ko.

back to the real world. courseworks, papers. quizzes. skul. book report. bazaar. all that stuff. Made me so tired everyday. hay. tiread and sad.

Texted Louie awhile ago.
me: san ka?
louie: y?
me: wala lang parang di kita nakita buong week.
louie: nandito ako sa heaven, kinakamusta ka nga ni Jesus eh.
me: sabihin mo im not okay and if he could help me.
louie: well, he told me that he could help you, but he also told me that you are the best person who can help yourself