I haven’t really experience what it is like spending this day with “my special someone“. I’m not really a materialistic type of person but I’m so damn jealous of guys giving sweet nothings to his girl, wishing I was in her place. Babae din naman ako, gusto ko rin ng surprises, ng flowers ng teddy bears at ng love letter. You know why I’m freaking feeling this way? Coz hindi ko talaga ito naranasan eh — not just on v-day but in all those special occassions. Hindi ko naranasan maging special sa mga araw na iyan. And i freaking deserved that before when all I did was love, was accept and forgive.

And yes, I am single for the past four years. It’s a wonderful feeling to be free, yung walang pinoproblema at kahit anong pwede mong gawin. And honestly, even though there were sometime in those 4 years that I think I was miserable for I was still in the stage that I haven’t moved on or I was too mad or bitter, I believe that in those 4 years especially the last 2 years of my life has been the happiest. I got to do the things i love to do. I got to know what i really wanted to do and to be. I’ve got to experience life at its best.

For the second time, I fell in love again (if that’s what i thought). I got hurt. I accepted. I let go. I moved on. I learned. And from that lesson, I’m living it up. I can still fall, but now I have control. I can still love but not too much. I can still get hurt, but I know, I could get through it as long as i accept, as long as i am prepared and as long as it is for love. I know now, that anything, I could manage.

Love still hasn’t work for me. But it hasn’t affected me much seeing couples kiss, seeing them hug, and all those sweet things. Yes, even if it’s right beside me. You know that Cat! Ikaw inggit na, ako hindi pa rin. But still, the fact that I wanna be someone’s first thought of the day and last call of the night, I wanna be told beautiful even at my ugliest – tulad ngayon, i have this freaking pimples, I wanna be shared his last bite of his burger even if he’s so hungry, I wanna hear him sing for me even if he can’t carry a tune, someone who’ll be patient with me, who’ll understand me, who’s fight for me and who’ll protect me. But then again, i repeat, LOVE STILL HASN’T WORK for ME. And i’m still happy because if it doesn’t for me, at least, for others, it does.

But despite of not feeling loved by “someone” because the one for me hasn’t showed up yet AND is still so DENSE, I am just so happy to have my friends around and they, you guys make me feel that I am really loved. I just have the greatest friends in the world and I thank God for them, and I thank you for loving me despite and inspite of me.

You know what today has been a great day, despite of being loveless. Or i love someone but I guess the feeling is not neutral?!?!?!?!…. It didn’t go as what was originally planned but I was still happy to have spent this day with them. Uneventful, YES. But I don’t care, as long as I felt the looooove. And oh.. I got my first flower today. Sad ano? First time ko makatanggap ng rose ng V-day. It’s from Mike. He gave me, cat and gretz. Ain’t that sweet.

And for the people who I spend most of my time with, I just wanna thank you for all the times we spent together. The good and the bad. The fun and not. I know, I am loved because of YOU guys and that I know I’ll always got yer back. (ang pinaghirapan ko kagabi,..)

To Cathy, Gretz, Rap, Gene and Mike:

click the pic for bigger look.